


pistol pony rodeo

by ghostbrain



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M, Oneshot, dont look at this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-14
Updated: 2021-01-14
Packaged: 2021-03-17 21:54:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28732269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ghostbrain/pseuds/ghostbrain
Summary: in which dirk draws jake his very own ponysona
Relationships: Jake English/Dirk Strider
Kudos: 5





	pistol pony rodeo

——golgathasTerror [GT] started pestering timaesTestified [TT] at 4:21 am——

GT: Um dirk?

GT: Are you awake chum??

TT: Nope.

GT: Ah i see. Well lets beat gums in the morning then.

GT: I wouldnt want to go and impede on your much needed nap time.

TT: Well it’s your lucky day.

TT: I’ve been awoken.

GT: Okey doke then!!!

GT: Holy mackerel have i missed taking with you. Im embarrassed to say i missed you an unprecedented amount dirk.

TT: Jake we talked yesterday

TT: But I missed you too, you manly man you. Don’t go makin’ me feel dirty god forsaken feelings.

TT: I can feel my teeth rotting out of my face. So fuckin’ sickeningly sweet.

TT: Gross.

TT: Frosting is seeping through my gums.

GT: You scallawag im serious. 

TT: Me too! I hate sugar.

GT: Butter on bacon dirk.

GT: Argggghhh

GT: Something in my head is keeping me dwelling on the thought of thou. I keep seeing your name dance around in my mushy pink dome endlessly.

GT: *Tugs at collar*

GT: Its the strangest thing dirk, i feel as though I COULD PERISH!!! if not to hear your mellifluous voice this instant!!! 

TT: Gasp.

TT: Well, allow me to swing into my petticoat for accompanying you to a dazzling night on the town. Show me how you would walk down the dark rain-slick sidewalk, the same way you would walk down the isle at our wedding my dearest Jake-bro.

GT: Just thinking about you is all.

GT: Im giving the ol’ romance spiel a test drive. You should have it in your best interest to not tease me.

TT: My humble apologies English. I was thinking about you too.

TT: For real

GT: Heh :)

TT: Drew this bad boy for you last night, D was downstairs, and I had to pull some heavy footwork to keep him occupied. Like away from me whilst I worked. So he wouldn’t fuck with me, I guess. But uh, here’s the finished product. I hope you dig it. 

TT: imgoingtohangmyself.png

GT: Spellbinding reiteration there my chumly companion...

GT: May i ask what it is?

TT: It’s you jake.

GT: Jesus christmas im a horse???

TT: Well I drew you as one. I hope you like it. Took me a bit.

GT: Is this how you view me strider? How vomit inducing.

TT: Abso-fucking-lutely.

GT: How dare you exploit me in such ways.

TT: Suffer.

GT: Admittedly however i find it very cute you couldve possibly thought up drawing me as a pony. However i am inconceivably confused. Is that sticker on my rump a skull?

GT: I love skulls!

TT: I know.

GT: Anywho, is this from your my little pony show?

TT: Yes. It makes my heart soar to hear you recognize it.

GT: Silence you.

GT: Of course i would know of it though, it seems to be the only thing you are capable of talking about. 

TT: Haha hell yes, my head is infinitely factoring contingencies regarding My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic.

GT: Im glad you like something so much! Though i am a bit jealous.

GT: *Dramatically collapses in slow motion*

TT: Don't worry your stupid little head. You’re my little pony Jake. Always and forever.

GT: Boy do i crave to end you right about now.

TT: Shhhhh Jake this is totally legit. This is your reality now.

GT: Youre a giant jerkwad. 

TT: Don’t fight it Jake. Let it happen.

GT: I am not a bloody horse. Stop.

GT: *Blows smoke off red hot irony pistol*

GT: *NONSUGGESTIVELY*

TT: Hahaha I’ll interpret that however suggestively I want.

TT: I’ll always see you as my pretty little pony Jake.

TT: You are helpless in changing my perception of you. Fear that. From now until the end of eternity Jake, in my heart, I’ll always see you as my parodic ironic masterpiece.

GT: Har har har!

GT: Very funny.

GT: Seriously dirk knock your heinous taunting off. I dunno if i like this teasing side of you.

TT: Wow man I am flattered that you’re that big a fan of my work. I’m blushing profusely right now.

GT: I most certainly am not. Have you got some screws loose in your head strider?

TT: You love it

GT: Oh for frigs flipping sake

TT: Just you wait my sweet, sweet troglodyte. I will get you to worship my artwork one day. Kiss my feet even.

GT: In your dreams dickprince. You wish i would bow down and give you the pleasure of my voluptuous lips blessing you with my touch. If ONLY i would kiss your crummy feet.

GT: Also im not a troglo-whatever. Cease this nonsense.

TT: You most certainly will be. It will happen. You better hold your tongue Jake.

TT: Alright but uh.

TT: What don’t you like about the drawing? Real talk.

GT: I was under the impression we were squandering? 

GT: The sketch is rather delightful you dork :)8

TT: Oh

TT: Well if you don’t excuse me I have havoc to wreak.

GT: What.

GT: You scoundrel dont end a conversation like that. 

TT: Just joshin’ you bro. I do have to get some serious laps in on the roof with D bright n’ early soon though. I can smell the sun coming up across the horizon. 

TT: Call it my punishment from god for bein’ alive.

GT: Aww applesauce :(8

GT: Good golly dirk dont say such things. Show that fellow D a taste of his own medicine. I bet my grandmas dentures you can show him what for!!! Make a mash of his slicked back hair and taste his defeat. DONT LET HIM SOIL YOUR SPIRIT!!!!

TT: Thanks, bro.

TT: I mean, like, it can’t be that bad. Though I can already taste my coppery inside juices being smudged against my lips per mere accident. My bloody knuckles being rubbed against my face and arms and hands accidentally amongst my, many other, bodily fluids.

GT: You sure can paint a picture chap.

TT: What can I say, It’s what I do.

GT: Hehehe good luck dirk. Pretend im sitting on your shoulder watching over you like a pristine guardian angel.

TT: I will Jake.

TT: ... 

TT: <3

GT: :0

GT: <333

——timaesTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgathasTerror [GT] at 4:53 am——


End file.
